I'm sitting in the train again. It was a long travel and I just want to be at home. My friend is talking about her boyfriend. She's happy. I'm smiling and I laugh with her but I just can't hear one more word about her perfect boyfriend and her perfect life. It's just enough but I can't tell her because she wouldn't understand it. So I just smile and hope that I will be at home soon.
At home where no one is waiting with a dinner, where everything is empty, where my bed is cold. Normally I love this silence but today it will be a mess. Today I want something different. I want also this perfect boyfriend with this perfect life. Maybe then the questions will stop and I can breath.
These are the moments when I feel a sadness in myself. A sadness which is too huge. Of course I know that this feeling will pass but it's never easy.
So I'm looking out the window and just nod when she looks at me. I don't show her my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes it's better to be quiet and to smile.
Maybe my life doesn't seem to be perfect but it's my life. Everyone has his time and my time will come!